Sorry, this one's not funny like the others.
I find myself constantly torn between pragmatism and idealism.
On the one hand, I believe that music is the language of the soul; our ability to make sense of our condition as humans and, as such, is valuable beyond words. I've been blessed/cursed with a talent to create music and to touch the lives and inspire the hearts of people who listen. I say this is both a blessing and a curse because I can't see myself doing anything else with my life...and if I fail to create music-to succeed doing the only thing I'm good at, then my life is wasted and I am a failure. This wouldn't be such an obstacle to surmount if our society was different...but in the ears of the modern world, there is no more room for music in light of the almighty dollar.
I went to play a battle of the bands at BB King's last night. We promoted the show as best we could, but were only able to pre-sale 1 out of 35 tickets. Not the best of circumstances, but considering our push to get people at The Viper Room 2 weeks ago, I'm not surprised. After all, who wants to shell out another $10 for a show after you've already seen the band just the other day? Besides, when I spoke with the concert promoter on the phone, he said that 35 tickets were required to advance through the competition. I went to BB King's last night under the assumption that we simply wouldn't advance and I was okay with just getting the exposure from playing. Well, come to find out the rules change when there's money involved. The concert promoter pulled us outside after I turned in the pre-sale money and chewed us out for only selling one ticket and then for not letting him know we had only sold one ticket prior to the show (my guess is so he could replace us with another act...do you honestly expect artists to do that? For real?). I apologized, explained that many of our fans don't buy pre-sale tickets - they show up to the venue and buy tickets. He wasn't hearing it. He said we could either pay him $150 to play that night or go home. Really? We can pay $150 for the privelege of entertaining your guests so you can make money? Sounds like an awesome deal to me! Of course, I said, "I'm not going to pay you to play. That's not how this works." He said, "Okay, then screw you." So we went home without playing a show. We went through all the trouble of getting our stuff together, driving to Universal Studios, and moving all our equipment from the parking garage to the venue only to be told we didn't sell enough tickets (which we weren't told we had to sell to actually play in the first place) and we had to pay $150 to play that night. At least the people who showed up to see us got a refund (there were a few others there besides our 1 pre-sale)
Normally, this wouldn't be enough to really discourage me...but the band's been going through a lot lately. Our bass player called me a few days ago and informed me that he was quitting the band. He's going to stick it out for a few more shows, but it isn't his dream to be a professional musician. So we need to replace him. In losing Dayv, we lose both a rehearsal studio, a recording studio, and all notions of putting an album together by Spring of next year. So to everyone who was looking forward to the next album...sorry, but it's not happening for a long time now. I've developed a case of carpal tunnel syndrome. It hurts when I play guitar for more than about 15 minutes normally and some songs I can't play all the way through anymore. My thumb and first three fingers go numb and then start aching. I'm going to see the doctor about it, but I don't know how serious it is, whether this is permanent, or whether I'll be able to continue playing guitar. On top of all this, we can no longer use the name Heroes for Hire...it's taken by a band out of New Zealand who is actually a really big deal down there. If we continue to use the name, we'll be sued. So now we have to change the band's name...I've been wracking my brain for the last week and I have 3 pages of names, but nothing I like yet. Any "brand recognition" we had for Heroes goes down in smoke when we change our name. Even if we send out a mailer or let our fans know about the change, they have more important things going on and when they start getting emails from Empire for Ashes (just a sample name), they won't remember that it's us.
So basically it comes down to this - 2007 was a bust. The whole year has been wasted. Any progress we made this year is lost because we have to train a new bass player (and possibly a new guitar player if my wrist doesn't improve) to adapt to our sound. Then we have to build our fan base almost from the ground up again. I'm no closer to realizing my dream than I was when I left home for this dismal place two years ago. And I have to wonder...am I wasting my life? Should I move back home and get a desk job? At what point does bravery become stupidity? When does persistance become willing blindness? When do I see this as the mistake it really is?
And if it is a mistake, then I don't see a way I can ever be happy with my life. Music is what I do best (and I don't even do it very well). It's who I am. I know that sounds cliche, but it's very, very true. I honestly cannot see myself doing anything else and being fulfilled. And so this gift really is a curse...because there's no way for me to succeed in doing what I love and no way to love doing anything else.
Where does the problem ultimately lie? Is it in the rampant commercialism of our society? The fact that modern art is only as valuable as it is marketable? Or is it in my own shortcomings as a musician, visionary, and leader? My inability to get people to give up their hard-earned cash to some dive in exchange for a few songs? I feel like my fairly limited reserves of luck, persistance, and cleverness are quickly running dry. When they do, I can't say for sure where that will leave me. I need a victory, Lord. I need one soon.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Friday, March 9, 2007
A Steal of a Deal
From now on, I'm totally coming to this place for all my senior citizen needs. They're only $3 here! Last I checked, they were at least $15 at Wal-Mart. Oh, and check this out...I asked the guy inside what the sign meant by "EVERY THURSDAY & SUNDAY COMBO" and he said that on Thursdays and Sundays you can get a combination of TWO senior citizens for the price of one. Holy cow!Of course, my guess is that these senior citizens aren't the prime, high-end kind you'll find down at sunny valley retirement center or hiding under every rock in Florida (seriously, you can't swing a dead cat in Florida without hitting a senior citizen). No, my guess is that these senior citizens are probably defective and more than a little stinky. Perhaps even cantankerous. Still, for $3? I can buy at least 10 on my budget and that's more than enough to last me for a few weeks. You guys should call the number on their sign some time and ask about their Thursday & Sunday combo. Lord knows these prices won't last for long.
Thursday, March 1, 2007
Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous
You may think that living in Los Angeles is glamourous. You may think that living here, you'd see celebrities, producers, and camera crews every day. You might even be inclined to believe that you'd get stuck in traffic for an hour and fifteen minutes trying to drive 8 miles because there's a movie premier just down the road. If you believe these things, you're 100% correct.
Don't get me wrong - it is cool to be driving down Sunset and see Lawrence Fishburne (aka Morpheus) standing outside of the Actor's Guild building or to actually see Lenny Kravitz filming a music video on the street. But once the initial flash of "hey, look, a celebrity" fades, you realize that it's not actually cool. It is, in fact, extremely annoying.
I live in Korea Town and we're pretty gangsta down there. As such, CSI (both the show and real) often ropes off sections of the neighborhood to do their thing. That's fine and good for the rest of you, America, but where am I supposed to park? Nevermind that I want to go to Jack in the Box...Mr. Grissam has a pretend crime to solve!
Working in Hollywood, the easiest way to get to and from work is by way of Sunset Boulevard. Despite the fact that it's a major street in the city, not to mention a cultural landmark, the city of LA refuses to expand the street to more than two lanes. Oh, there's a third lane...but that's reserved for parked cars and buses most of the day. For three short hours during rush hour (funny that they call it rush HOUR when it lasts for 4 or 5 hours) they open that lane up so that cars can sit there without moving as opposed to sitting dead in one of the other two lanes. Every now and then, there's a premier for some rinky dink movie at some rinky dink theatre and they shut down the third lane, making the hottest bowels of Hell seem like a sweet alternative to the congested langour of LA traffic. Do we really have to torture 100,000 people just so Tyler Perry can walk down a red carpet at the premier of Madea Scared Stupid?
Another good example of how annoying the "glamour" of LA can be is the following anecdote: the other day, I was at work and I hear all this hullabaloo out in the hall. It turns out that Gene Simmons who (like every other has-been celebrity) has a reality show on (you guessed it) VH1. The crew is filming him as he and his girlfriend/wife/suitor/whatever visit the relationship counselor next door (the show would have you believe they do this regularly, but they've never been here once). But in a wacky twist, his ex shows up in the hall! Zoinks! Run for it Gene! Well, while he's in the counselor's office, his ex-wife is pacing the hall and his camera crew is set up in front of the bathroom snickering like a bunch of 7th graders who just wrote "penis" on their sleeping friend's forehead and he's about to wake up. The problem is, I really have to pee and they're set up right in front of the bathroom. They're not going to move because Gene could emerge from the relationship chamber at any moment. So I'm stuck doing the pee-pee dance for the next hour. Thanks a lot, Gene Simmons.
In short, what I'm saying is that, the next time you turn on the TV and see an awards show or a movie premier, just know that it's backing up traffic for miles. When you see Jack Bower saving the world from nuclear terrorist cyborgs, just know that someone had to give up their parking spot. When you turn on VH1, know that the bladder of some poor soul is burning as he holds it in and curses the day the devil gave birth to reality TV. This is the price of entertainment, America. I hope you're happy.
Don't get me wrong - it is cool to be driving down Sunset and see Lawrence Fishburne (aka Morpheus) standing outside of the Actor's Guild building or to actually see Lenny Kravitz filming a music video on the street. But once the initial flash of "hey, look, a celebrity" fades, you realize that it's not actually cool. It is, in fact, extremely annoying.
I live in Korea Town and we're pretty gangsta down there. As such, CSI (both the show and real) often ropes off sections of the neighborhood to do their thing. That's fine and good for the rest of you, America, but where am I supposed to park? Nevermind that I want to go to Jack in the Box...Mr. Grissam has a pretend crime to solve!
Working in Hollywood, the easiest way to get to and from work is by way of Sunset Boulevard. Despite the fact that it's a major street in the city, not to mention a cultural landmark, the city of LA refuses to expand the street to more than two lanes. Oh, there's a third lane...but that's reserved for parked cars and buses most of the day. For three short hours during rush hour (funny that they call it rush HOUR when it lasts for 4 or 5 hours) they open that lane up so that cars can sit there without moving as opposed to sitting dead in one of the other two lanes. Every now and then, there's a premier for some rinky dink movie at some rinky dink theatre and they shut down the third lane, making the hottest bowels of Hell seem like a sweet alternative to the congested langour of LA traffic. Do we really have to torture 100,000 people just so Tyler Perry can walk down a red carpet at the premier of Madea Scared Stupid?
Another good example of how annoying the "glamour" of LA can be is the following anecdote: the other day, I was at work and I hear all this hullabaloo out in the hall. It turns out that Gene Simmons who (like every other has-been celebrity) has a reality show on (you guessed it) VH1. The crew is filming him as he and his girlfriend/wife/suitor/whatever visit the relationship counselor next door (the show would have you believe they do this regularly, but they've never been here once). But in a wacky twist, his ex shows up in the hall! Zoinks! Run for it Gene! Well, while he's in the counselor's office, his ex-wife is pacing the hall and his camera crew is set up in front of the bathroom snickering like a bunch of 7th graders who just wrote "penis" on their sleeping friend's forehead and he's about to wake up. The problem is, I really have to pee and they're set up right in front of the bathroom. They're not going to move because Gene could emerge from the relationship chamber at any moment. So I'm stuck doing the pee-pee dance for the next hour. Thanks a lot, Gene Simmons.
In short, what I'm saying is that, the next time you turn on the TV and see an awards show or a movie premier, just know that it's backing up traffic for miles. When you see Jack Bower saving the world from nuclear terrorist cyborgs, just know that someone had to give up their parking spot. When you turn on VH1, know that the bladder of some poor soul is burning as he holds it in and curses the day the devil gave birth to reality TV. This is the price of entertainment, America. I hope you're happy.Thursday, February 22, 2007
Welcome to Our City!
Who needs clean and safe when you can be gangsta? The graffiti artists who tagged this bench seem to agree with me whole heartedly. Afterall, what benefit is it living in the urban sprawl if you can't walk home at night without being shot by your friendly neighborhood gang? Yes, gangs are fun but did you know that gangs also do many important things for the city? Even low ranking taggers and wannabes have a place! Gangs provide necessary city services such as:- Free writing on walls, benches, and everything else that is or is not nailed down.
- Gangs give police officers something to do besides hand out parking tickets.
- The danger presented by gangs gives you an excuse to buy a set of katana swords for your studio apartment (I just keep praying someone will break in so I can show 'em what a ninja can do...)
- Gangs reduce waste by absorbing CO2 gasses in the ozone layer and converting them to life-giving oxygen which smells faintly of cinnamon rolls.
So as you can see, gangs are an important and vital part of any community. The next time you see tagging, stop and thank your lucky stars that your town is fortunate enough to have gangs. I know I am...and I'm reminded of how greatful I am every time I look at my apartment, my parking garage, and the bench at my local bus stop.
Keep our city clean and safe - support your local gangs.
Monday, February 19, 2007
Happy President's Day, one and all!
Today we celebrate the proud heritage of our nation by honoring two of our greatest presidents: George Washington and Abraham Lincoln. We all know how George Washington defeated the Nazis and freed the Panama Canal during the War of 1812. And we've all watched the History Channel special on how Abraham Lincoln infiltrated the ranks of the slaves and lived among them for years, documenting their habits for the sake of science. But few of us know the actual truth behind the history.
President George Naomi Washington and Abraham "Danger" Lincoln were not on the best of terms. In fact, one could even go so far as to call them enemies. Their rivalry was something that all of America knew about, but no one was bold enough to talk about openly. At social gatherings when the two would happen to catch one another's eye from across the room, they would regard each other with an acrimonious "...Lincoln," "...Washington." An embittered moment of silence would pass and the two would part ways. This was the order of the day for many years until Washington's 45th birthday party when Lincoln decided to up the ante.
That fateful February 19th, Lincoln brought Washington a birthday present as was the order of the day. However, this wasn't your typical birthday present. After a game or two of pin the tail on the red-coat, a few plates of cake, and a rousing chorus of "Happy Birthday", it was time to open gifts. Ben Franklin had given Washington some anti-termite toothpaste for his teeth. Marie Antionette brought a jar of home-made preserves. John Hancock gave a cowboy hat (Washington's favorite present so far). The time came for Washington to open Lincoln's present. Shocked at the uncharacteristic gesture of kindness, Washington tore open the elaborately wrapped gift. Much to his chagrin, he did not find the Gameboy Advance he was hoping for...instead, Lincoln had given a pair of soiled undergarments which Washington instantly recognized as his own. It was on now.
Lincoln's birthday happened to be not but a week later. Washington, thirsty for vengeance showed up with a present of his own. Drunk on the revelry of opening presents from his best friends (Paul Revere, Captain America, and Leonardo D'Caprio), Lincoln didn't notice the small pink present that had snuck its way into the pile until it was too late. Though there was no indication as to who the present was from, the rotting skunk head inside the box clearly said "Love: Washington".
From that day forth, no matter what the occassion, Lincol and Washington made it a point to give the most horrible presents imaginable to one another. Since it would be crass and offensive to either party to simply refuse a gift, their silent and anti-generous war waged on until Washington was on his deathbed. In a vain attempt to say, "You're alright, Washington. Sorry I was so hard on you," Lincoln got him a pair of grey socks. The only problem was Washington hated the color grey more than he hated Nazis. And he hated Nazis a lot. A lot more than you do. According to legend, Washington died of anger right there on the spot.
And so, America has continued the tradition of our two greatest presidents to this day. On President's Day, honor your American heritage by getting someone you love (or hate) the most terrible present you can think of. Last year on President's day, I got a snake bite from my mom. This year, I gave a homework assignment to my friend Curtis. I'm already looking into obtaining some whale puke and a catapult for next year. Honor the traditions of our forefathers this year and give a terrible present to someone you care about. Do it for them. Do it for America.
Today we celebrate the proud heritage of our nation by honoring two of our greatest presidents: George Washington and Abraham Lincoln. We all know how George Washington defeated the Nazis and freed the Panama Canal during the War of 1812. And we've all watched the History Channel special on how Abraham Lincoln infiltrated the ranks of the slaves and lived among them for years, documenting their habits for the sake of science. But few of us know the actual truth behind the history.
President George Naomi Washington and Abraham "Danger" Lincoln were not on the best of terms. In fact, one could even go so far as to call them enemies. Their rivalry was something that all of America knew about, but no one was bold enough to talk about openly. At social gatherings when the two would happen to catch one another's eye from across the room, they would regard each other with an acrimonious "...Lincoln," "...Washington." An embittered moment of silence would pass and the two would part ways. This was the order of the day for many years until Washington's 45th birthday party when Lincoln decided to up the ante.
That fateful February 19th, Lincoln brought Washington a birthday present as was the order of the day. However, this wasn't your typical birthday present. After a game or two of pin the tail on the red-coat, a few plates of cake, and a rousing chorus of "Happy Birthday", it was time to open gifts. Ben Franklin had given Washington some anti-termite toothpaste for his teeth. Marie Antionette brought a jar of home-made preserves. John Hancock gave a cowboy hat (Washington's favorite present so far). The time came for Washington to open Lincoln's present. Shocked at the uncharacteristic gesture of kindness, Washington tore open the elaborately wrapped gift. Much to his chagrin, he did not find the Gameboy Advance he was hoping for...instead, Lincoln had given a pair of soiled undergarments which Washington instantly recognized as his own. It was on now.
Lincoln's birthday happened to be not but a week later. Washington, thirsty for vengeance showed up with a present of his own. Drunk on the revelry of opening presents from his best friends (Paul Revere, Captain America, and Leonardo D'Caprio), Lincoln didn't notice the small pink present that had snuck its way into the pile until it was too late. Though there was no indication as to who the present was from, the rotting skunk head inside the box clearly said "Love: Washington".
From that day forth, no matter what the occassion, Lincol and Washington made it a point to give the most horrible presents imaginable to one another. Since it would be crass and offensive to either party to simply refuse a gift, their silent and anti-generous war waged on until Washington was on his deathbed. In a vain attempt to say, "You're alright, Washington. Sorry I was so hard on you," Lincoln got him a pair of grey socks. The only problem was Washington hated the color grey more than he hated Nazis. And he hated Nazis a lot. A lot more than you do. According to legend, Washington died of anger right there on the spot.
And so, America has continued the tradition of our two greatest presidents to this day. On President's Day, honor your American heritage by getting someone you love (or hate) the most terrible present you can think of. Last year on President's day, I got a snake bite from my mom. This year, I gave a homework assignment to my friend Curtis. I'm already looking into obtaining some whale puke and a catapult for next year. Honor the traditions of our forefathers this year and give a terrible present to someone you care about. Do it for them. Do it for America.
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